I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
