I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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