I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
