Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
