Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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