my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
