i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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