new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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