i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This show inspires me to have sex in space
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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