I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
