I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
