This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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