i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
