We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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