420 ftw
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
