we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
