dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
