she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
