Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
whose parrot is this?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
