god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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