she woke up with a sticky ear
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
