I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
