I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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