New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
