Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize