Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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