I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
