The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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