just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
