This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I smell stomach acid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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