so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
