its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
