I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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