Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
