she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
