i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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