she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
