he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
