I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
