I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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