you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
