i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
