Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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