Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
