If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
