We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
