yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
