we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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