belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
someone owes me an orgasm
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Randomize
