So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
