youre lurking in front of me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
