There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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