i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
