whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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