I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
