There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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