I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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