Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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