Whod you bang
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
