after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
