its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
