were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
