There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
