Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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