She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
