she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
