he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
