I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
