guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
