I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
