please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
