My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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