My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
