Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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