if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
