How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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