And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
