Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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