Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My nipple is on Facebook.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
