I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
