omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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