did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize