I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it because I queefed?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
