My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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