Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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