youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
