I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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