I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
