Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize