I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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