Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just want nice things and good sex
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
