Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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